ZzZ Infant Sleep 0-4 Months

Having a new baby is such an amazing and rewarding experience, however, it can also be very challenging at times. It’s a whole new world for them and you, which is why Restful Parenting has put together their best tips for this amazing new adventure. 

Pam and Elisa are Sleep and Parenting Coaches with backgrounds in Early Childhood Education as well as moms. They have many years of experience working with babies and children, as well as supporting families and helping them through their sleep and parenting challenges. 

The Environment

When it comes to setting up the foundations for healthy sleep, one of the easiest ways to encourage great sleep is by setting up the environment. Most newborns within the first 2 months of life can sleep just about anywhere! In fact, they seem to sleep more soundly when there is more noise and people. This is because in the womb, it is loud 24/7, and it’s exactly what they are used to. However, as they grow, they become more aware of their surroundings and tend to start having a harder time settling to sleep and staying asleep in a loud/light environment. You might see this start to come into play at 2-3 or sometimes 4 months of age. When you see that your baby is fighting going to sleep for naps or bedtime in their light and busy environment and are looking all around instead of drifting off to sleep, or perhaps they are waking more to the sounds around them, you might want to consider starting at least some naps in a dark/non-stimulating sleep space. 

Extra tip: You can start a short but consistent pre-nap routine at around 2-3 months of age (for some of naps) to help cue their brain that it is time for sleep. They catch onto this very quickly! 

Wake Times 

The time they are awake for in between naps is one piece that makes a difference in how well they sleep. For healthy sleep, one big piece is to ensure that your baby is going down at relatively the right times for their body. When babies are awake for too long of a period at a time, they can easily get into an overtired state. This can make it harder for them to fall asleep and stay asleep. Think, short naps!  

This might seem a little more challenging in the beginning days because you are just getting to know one another and getting into a routine. Sometimes diaper explosions happen or spit up/upset tummies, can make it challenging to stick with the appropriate wake window. This is why we use the wake times as a guide to work towards getting them down at the proper times knowing that things might happen some days! We all have good days and harder days, after all, and all we can do is try our best! Being mindful of the windows and attempting to get them down at the right times, especially as they grow, can make significant improvements to their overall sleep.   

Extra tip: If your baby is really fighting sleep when you are following age-appropriate wake times, it can get pretty frustrating. We are intrinsically linked to our babies, and they can feel our emotions. If you are starting to get more and more frustrated, your baby will feel this and, in turn, can cry, even more, sensing that frustration. It’s okay to pause the nap, take a break from your attempt at settling them and try again later. Your job is to try to get them down at relatively the right time, and their job is to either fall asleep or, in some cases, not fall asleep. 

Your newborn may need you for sleep!  

I can’t say this enough. Newborn babies are used to being in the womb, where it is loud, soft, and cuddly, and where there is movement all of the time! This means that it is very common for them to need us to help them sleep when they first come out. This is a brand new world, and they rely fully on us for everything, Including sleep! 

So let me say this again! You are not going to spoil your newborn by holding them too much and having them sleep on you in your arms, in a wrap etc…The first 4 months of your little one’s life are really all about getting them proper (or as proper as possible) sleep, and that means whichever way you can accomplish that (safely).

Extra tip: Now, we know that having a baby on you at all times can be quite hard for some families. We think about all of the things that we need to do and might not desire a cuddle nap for every single nap in the day. It is absolutely okay to try putting your baby down into their own sleep space to see how they will do. How else will you know how they’ll handle it if you don’t give it a shot? They might surprise you and give you some hands-free time alone. 

**Usually, the first nap of the day is the one that they are most receptive to and the one that is the best time to try something new.  

Be mindful of over helping 

As you are learning, oftentimes parents tend to rush to their little ones the second they hear a sound. Babies can be loud in their sleep and grunt, make noises, and sometimes they are not awake yet. As our little ones grow and you have had a chance to settle in a little bit, you can try to be mindful that not every sound means that they need help right away. Try to step back and give them a little bit of space before going to offer full support. There is a very big difference between lightly fussing or even just grunting and a very upset cry.  

We are absolutely not saying to not respond to your baby’s needs, but it is okay to give them a short amount of time if they aren’t fully crying to get to them. This can look like pausing before you enter or go to them, or a hand on their belly and a consistent shhh or jiggle before picking them up. If given the opportunity, they may fall asleep or fall back asleep with just your hand on them instead of needing to be held back to sleep.  

Extra tip: Your response matters. How you approach your baby gives them cues as to how they should feel about certain situations. By pausing, talking to them, and approaching them with a calm demeanor, it builds their confidence and their sense of safety and security.   

A great example of this would be: Let’s say you are doing dishes, and your baby starts crying. As you are drying your hands and going to get them, you can start talking to them, “I am right here. I am washing my hands and will be right there to see you.” As you are walking towards them is a calm/sweet voice. They do not understand the words you are saying, but they can absolutely understand your intention and your body language. This can go a long way in building their confidence as they are learning the world around them.  

Try, Try again 

Babies and children learn best through repetition and consistency. If you are trying to take small steps towards changing some of the pieces of your baby’s sleep (such as trying for an independent nap or trying to transfer them from arms to their own bassinet), it may not go well the first time or two. Change is new, and change can be uncomfortable at first. 

This is where our Try, Try Again motto comes into play. The more you try it, the more comfortable it becomes for them and the more success you will have with it. 

Extra tip: Around 3 months of age, if you are, for the most part, following age-appropriate wake windows, and you have the foundations for healthy sleep set up, this is a great age to start attempting some of their naps in their own sleep space. The naps may not be as long in the beginning as they were when in arms, but if you keep trying, they will start to extend their naps. If you are attempting to put them down in their sleep space, awake once a day (first thing in the morning is typically the best time to try), you can build on that and work towards two and then three naps a day. 

Although there is no expectation that they will fall asleep on their own before 4 months of age, you have a better chance of them doing it if you make trying and being put into their space a part of your everyday routine. At this stage, falling asleep in the crib is the goal, but that can be done with hands-on support from you with shushing if they respond well to that. 

Remember, though that is a huge learning curve for both you and them. If something isn’t working one day, try again the next. A new baby brings a whole new world of questions and stress, but you aren’t alone. You don’t have to struggle unnecessarily; we can help! 

If you would like more one-on-one daily support or would like to explore sleep coaching, Pam and Elisa would love to help you navigate the ups and downs of sleep and parenting. They have different programs to suit every family’s needs. As an added bonus, if you are in Ontario, through their partnership with Jenn Taun RSW, their programs may now be covered under your benefits through Social Worker. 

Check out their podcasts on all things sleep and parenting.